Shift focus

I have been thinking a lot about the instagram algorithm. and how supposedly it only shows my post to ten percent of my followers. I get annoyed when the ten percent of those followers don’t engage with my post. so I want to try to get them to engage, so that it boost my post.

I need to shift focus. I should start concentrating on looking for new followers. so that those would be in my ten percent and hopefully engage.

Stop flipping concentrating on people that aren’t gonna change how they use insta. But find new people that hopefully do engage.


I worry that I only have followers because I follow people back. And I know that for some followers of mine, that is the case. Its getting to the point that when I don’t post something superman related on twitter, ill check my follower count throughout the day to see how much it dropped. I really don’t like feeling like this at all. As far as instagram goes, I know people see my stuff but just lurk. The thing that hurts is that I know its people that follow me and that I follow back. I would like to think its because I follow a lot of creatives, and they follow me. But I use instagram to support EVERYONE I follow. I don’t scroll without at least giving a like. So when it isnt reciprocated it kinda hurts my feelings.

This is why I have to learn to start having zero expectations of how other people act. I know not everyone is like me. I know people follow me just to lurk, or just to see what I’m doing. With no intention of ever liking anything. Heck I can tell more people share and save my post than actually comment on it. So I know people see it. That is why today I am going to clean out instagram and fb of all the people I follow and that follow back. Because I am scared that they will just leave. And Im sure they will. But I would rather follow people of the same likemindedness as me, than not. Also, need to look for the actually people who aren’t creatives, and just like what im doing in general, without expecting a follow back in return. Thats the hard part, because I have to keep believing that my end game down the line will work out, and have to trust the process of the long game, and not the follow to unfollow and social media games people play. 

Learning to be sincere from here on out, if I don’t want to see someones content, I won’t follow, regardless if they follow me. I can’t keep basing my fans to a just people who are only following me cause I follow them back. And here is where im going to actually start getting tested.

The hunt for people who actually like me for me, starts now.


All this time I was trying to get big companies to notice me so I can be an ambassador or a influencer for them. But instead of thinking that way, I need to document all the companies I do use. and then once I actually get “big enough” they will seek me out. spending time and plotting how to get them to notice me is a waste of time. Instead, I just need to work on building a following, then the companies will come.

Taking it slow

I have had this idea in my head that I need to move so fast toward my “finish line” Trying to take it a bit slower for the next 6 months here in Montana. Today was a great start. made myself spend an hour in the gym. did my hair. went to go get measured for a new suit.

I have to realize that I have more time than I think I do, take it slow and not treat the finish line like a race to see how fast I can get there. but to try and enjoy the process along the way.

July 1st

“A ship in harbor is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.”

The comfort zone is the great enemy to creativity; moving beyond it necessitates intuition, which in turn configures new perspectives and conquers fears.

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.

Remember, the storm is a good opportunity for the pine and the cypress to show their strength and their stability.

Storms and comfort zones, in this case I am referring to creativity and social media.

We are almost halfway to a new decade. We as creatives and artist and MUAs and models. Whatever your outlet is, we are always evolving. Which means that we are always thinking of new things to create and do. The problem is getting past the fear of how our “other than normal” art will be received. I’m not gonna down play it. It is a big hurdle. We want to keep our followers happy, we want to feel the “likes” roll in whenever we post stuff that we know will get received well.

But what happens when we want to try a new style? Shoot different subjects? Try different makeup colors? Get a new cosplay? Are we forever going to be stuck doing what we know is received well by others? Or will we try to expand our own creativity, and continue the search for people who will like us for us?

Thats why the quotes are “important” we’ve all used them at some point. And guaranteed half the time we’ve said them was to other people. Or when something that actually challenged us was in effect.

We will never know the true way to get out of a comfort zone, if we don’t get out of a comfort zone. Myself included, this month I am going to get out of it. And I’m talking social media here. Are we afraid of rejection? Of low likes? Of ridicule? Of “you shouldn’t wear that” or “lol” or “I didn’t follow you to see this”

We can’t know how it feels to experience that, if we don’t put ourselves in that experience. We can level up and gain xp if we are already maxed out in our comfort zones. And I know, it is scary. Nobody likes getting rejected. Nobody likes when they feel they aren’t getting the recognition they think they deserve.

But imagine the plus side!

What if you Gain a whole different group of people? What if you find more people who like you for you?

And regardless of the outcome, think of how you will feel when you do something you have wanted to do all along, but was too scared to?

I finally made myself get a Bored Panda account to post some photos on. I had been putting it off for a long time, because I was scared. I knew my instagram bubble knows who I am, And I feel safe In it. So putting myself on a new community to open myself up to more peoples views and opinions was tough.

The next morning I woke up to the first comment I saw. It simply said “lol” 

More time went by and a couple positive comments came in, so that was nice.

But regardless of the comments, I have zero idea how many people saw the post and didn’t say anything. I have no idea. 

But what I do know is that I made myself do something to level up. And that is what its all about. Strengthening yourself. Making myself a Pine tree in a storm. Preparing myself more to know how this feels, so I can get to the point where getting more and more outside my comfort zone is less scary.

I have been called:



So many derogative and negative comments I forget most of them.

The very first time I went to san Francisco with my suit, within five minutes of me walking around, some dude on a skateboard skated by and yelled out as loud as he could “N*ggerman!” 

All these situations are just preparing me for what’s to come. As an artist and a creative. People will forever voice their negative opinions. Because they can, and its super easy to say what you don’t like, as opposed to what you do like.

But getting out of our comfort zone and knowing the risk of receiving the negative feedback is XP

I want more XP, but it only comes from outside of comfort zones, and repetition.

It’s extremely easy for me to to give quotes out like candy. But until I actually live by them... experience just how it feels to get either praise and compliments. Or ridiculed and laughed at... 

how I process it, react to it, learn from it, and analyze how I feel from it... is what is actually helping me grow. The application. Not just the words. 

It’s a new month. Let’s gain some XP⚡️

Shoot I do Facebook ads. Every. Single. Time. I’m about to hit “send” I still feel a pang. A pang of “someone’s gonna say something dumb. Someone is gonna make fun of me. Someone is gonna laugh at my pictures.” 

But I do it anyway. Because I am stronger than what other people think. Or at least I like to think so. And by doing that this, is my way of “liking to think so”

My daily affirmations

  • I am a magnet for money.

  • Prosperity is drawn to me.

  • I move from poverty thinking to abundance thinking.

  • I’m open and receptive to all the wealth life has to offer me.

  • I get task done in a timely manor.

  • I identify my priorities and plan time to complete them.

  • I am superior to negative thoughts and low actions.

  • I have been given endless talents which i begin to utilize today.

  • I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.

  • Creative energy surges through me and leads me to new and brilliant ideas.

  • My ability to conquer my challenges is limitless; my potential to succeed is infinite.

  • My thoughts are filled with positivity and my life is plentiful with prosperity.

  • My efforts are being supported by the universe; my dreams manifest into reality before my eyes.

  • My obstacles are moving out of my way; my path is carved toward greatness.

  • My life is just beginning


I just want to bury my face in the back of your neck. And immerse myself in hair and scent.

Smelling the familiar aroma of something special on a sweatshirt. Or pillowcase.

One of the greatest things that can remind me of being with someone.

When I go to sleep and put my head on my pillow. And somehow my nose lines up just right to where your head was the previous night… I feel it all over again.

It’s like a high of the most nostalgic variety. A great reminder of a time that will still linger but slowly fade away.

I don’t know when it will happen again. I’m sure it will. Which is kind of why I like it so much. I try to hold onto that scent so long before it fades away. And then I’m back to square one.

I can’t forget to forget you when I pull my shirt down over my head and catch your scent before the bottom of my shirt reaches my torso.

I can’t forget to forget you when I have my hoodie up and turn my head to the right or left and smell you inside the hood.

But eventually the aroma of you dissipates, just like the memory that was made with you.

Until I make another one.

Art Fuel

Art Fuel

Sometimes I put myself in situations out of the ordinary because I want to harvest the experience and make art for it.

This usually stems from romantic desires.

A lot of what I make revolves around two things (well three Superman aside).

Loneliness and Romance.

I put myself in both situations constantly. Knowing that it will be hard. And also knowing that not everything will work out. But what do I get out of it?

A photo that shows how I feel when I’m feeling it.

This makes it seem like I use romance for art. But I’m an artist. Sometimes I do. And sometimes I do because thats fuel for art. Art. Fuel.

I honestly don’t think I can turn it off at this point. Everything gets turned into something I try to articulate. Photos. Videos. Poems.

But sometimes…

Sometimes it’s just for me. Or should I say, sometimes it’s just for us.

But on the flip side of that. Not everything I think or do is publicized. Well sometimes it is. You just have no idea what I’m talking about. Because I have to make you think. Make you look it up. Make you google a phrase or keyword to read between the lines. I know you won’t do that. And thats fine.

It’s like journaling to an audience. Wanting to be seen but not actually be seen. Knowing that the few people that take the time to earn what I want to share will figure it out. Either way, I’m an open book. But the ink is lemon juice. And you just gotta figure it out yourself. If you do, great. If you don’t, great. It’s my way of connecting with those that want a connection.